Currently Listening Cities By Anberlin "I feel helpless, sleeping at best, waiting for your return. Are you ever coming home?" see related

There was something I could've said. Something I could've done as we hugged and how I loved how strong he was being for everyone else. I could've kissed him, hopefully tried to make him forget all about her. She doesn't give a shit. It was ME at his side fatefully and faithfull for 3 years. Yeah, I didn't talk to him for a few weeks and I don't don't even remember why I was mad. (I spilt my LAST cup of CRANBERRY juice! I'm a dysfunctional emotional catastrophy!.) (I was just trying to get some tape, dammit!!) It's was always Tim and me after Renea and Regina left. It just worked. He shot me down, I slowly moved on, not even realizing that I had felt that way to begin with. I wanted to hug longer. I wanted to make up for every senior I couldn't get to and just ignore the line forming behind me. I just wanted us to understand each other for a little while longer. But we both moved on. Why can't he see what others see? Losing him hurt more than anything. I feel so stupid crying over this. (I mean, I'm not right NOW. But I was). But, I feel as if the normality of the past few years has shattered. I feel unsure of how to go on. Unsure of who to confide and befriend. I tried so hard not to cry when  my dad picked me up. I prayed that he would just NOT TALK then he had to give me shit about being sad. Oh, so I can't feel now? He's been bugging the hell outta me, saying I should be nice to him. I wasn't crying over the seniors the whole time. I took that opportunity to vent about the stuff I should've cried about long ago. When I hugged Tim, I was so scared he was gonna pull me off like Nate did. Just yank me away and move on. I hate when those leaving my life just tug me off like I'm a leech or something. I don't know why Danielle was crying. But me, it was like, this is the last time I play this song, the last time I sit down here, the last time, the last time, the last...Then we'll all be adorn in our tacky blue tarp gowns, secretly loving them, and graduate. Then, not long from now, we'll dispurse to every curve of the world. We'll say we'll keep in touch, we promise, but we never know what lies around, how our memories will cloud, and how quickly we'll forget each other.

I don't want to be forgotten again. I don't want to be, "Oh, Brityni--wait, who the hell is that?" or "Oh, yeah. Brityni, with the funny spelling." It's shit how we just move on and don't give a damn about the lives we interweaved with each other. Those beautiful or ugly bonds we created. I don't know, I just wish there was someone out there who'll cry when I leave. Someone in line waiting to hug ME. I'd hold on as long as they wanted. I'd have all night. I'd just be happy that there was someone waiting for me. Because how I feel now, the people I know now, I know that I would be the "on-the-way-to-see-so-and-so" person. The quick stop, the touch-and-go. I'd be the "Oh, yeah. I know her too. Let me pat her back, Congrats!, and scurry off." I wouldn't be the first thought, the sought after,. I don't expect to have a line because no one really cares.

Who will be sad when I leave?